Mad, bad, sad - and that's just life.

It's been a little while since my last post, but then this isn't the main blog - that can be found here.
I have been so busy with the day job and with worrying about my mum's condition that I've not been able to write much the past couple of weeks. However, yesterday I bought Lisa Appignanesi's Mad, Bad & Sad - History of Women and the Mind Doctors, which has served to remind me that I'm supposed to be working on my mum's book. The hospital also said this morning that, whilst my mum is still on morphine, they have re-inserted the IV fluid tube, which they had removed for a while when they thought she was about to leave us. So that's a good sign. However, if the doctors call me a fourth time anytime soon, to say they think she's about to go imminently I think I may just crack up because when you are told that your mum is about to die there and then it sets you off on a rollercoaster of emotion, then you expect the worst - then it doesn't happen and you think, 'it's ok' and then they tell you again they think she's about to go, then again... and every minute at work I'm thinking, when is the phone going to go to say she's gone? And every night before I go to bed I think, is this the night she goes? The prospect of losing a family member is hard enough. But then that's just how the situation is and I have little choice but to roll with it and be thankful that she is, at least, comfortable. And in the meantime I can do my best to get on with her book - giving her a voice.